By Spike Milligan
'At Victoria station the R.T.O. gave me a shuttle warrant, a white feather and an image of Hitler marked 'This is your enemy'. I searched each compartment, yet he wasn't at the train'. Spike Milligan's at the march, blitzing buddy and foe alike together with his uproarious reminiscences of military lifestyles from enlistment to the touchdown at Algiers in 1943. Bathos, pathos and gales of drunken laughter, and insane army goonery explode in superlative Milliganese.
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Additional info for Adolf Hitler: My Part in his Downfall (War Memoirs Vol. 1)
What a life! I still can’t believe it happened. But of course, the Russians were advancing on all fronts, the Yanks were coming, and we had our first case of Crabs. I had no idea what the crabs (or, as Smudge Smith said, “Sandy McNabs”) were. The victim was Sergeant Cusak—he discovered he got them on the eve of a week’s leave. O. told him to apply ‘Blue Unction’. Now blue unction has only one use—to destroy crabs. Knowing this, Sergeant Cusak entered Boots in Piccadilly with a prescription during the rush hour on Friday—it was crowded.
Harris’s billet was…well, it appeared to have been bombed by block-busters filled with unemptied Arab dustbins. The only thing of any merit was a picture of Jesus stuck up with a drawing pin; it bore the legend, ‘I will bless the house in which this picture is glorified’. I wonder what went wrong. The piglet. It was housed in an old Libby’s Milk box lined with rubbish. The keeping of pigs in barracks was forbidden, so Harris gave the creature two coats of white paint with patches of brown that near as dammit made it look like a Cocker Spaniel.
A little something for you lads,” he said. ” said Fildes painfully. ” “Now then lads, remember there’s a war on,” Said Martin pocketing the rest. That night, by a flickering candle, we all swore allegiance to Karl Marx. No matter what, next dance, unless we got paid more, we’d play the bloody awful Warsaw Concerto! On pay nights most of us headed for the pubs where, apart from drinking, a lot of singing was done by the battery duettists, Gunners White and Devine. This was a very popular one: I paid my entrance fee To see that tattooed she She had Sir Hubert Tree Tattooed upon her knee She had a great big Union Jack Tattooed upon her back And down below On her big toe Jack Johnson done in black She had a battleship Tattooed upon her hip And where I could not see A map of Germany She had a picture of Harry Lauder Right across where she gets broader And as a mixture She had a picture Of her home in Tenersee.